Voices From The Heart

For the past few weeks, I've been thinking about the past, present & future. IA life has never been easy. Although workload has been increasing recently, the journey to work & back home have been filled with feelings of solitude. During the short moments in the bus & train, I couldn't help feeling lost amidst the crowd.

I've been wondering if it's time to let go of those things & focus on what really matters in life. Being away from home for so long & facing so many obstacles have made me become more independent, but also made me feel numb on certain things, especially relationships. Probably I shouldn't say this. It's only natural that people don't feel the same way for you as what you feel about them.

I used to think that there exists one person in this world who truly understands me. But I doubt there'll ever be one. I've no idea what's stopping me to let others know more about myself. I'm afraid to allow myself to be too engrossed into building up relationships, as I worry I will let them down. I don't wish my friends to feel that kind of sadness, vexing heavy burden. Maybe that's also why it's hard for me to feel truly happy, let alone for others to see happiness written on my face.

I used to believe that people can shape their own destinies. It only depends on our determination. Recently I realised I'm wrong. There are things that you can't change, no matter how hard you try. Even though I don't wish to resign to fate, but now I've no choice. However, I'll continue trying, trying & trying.... till I'm too tired to try anymore. Maybe these are my fate, my life, my karma...

Reality of Life

Childhood days are often said to be happiest moments in one's life.
Play without worries,
Laugh out loudly when you feel happy,
Cry out your hearts when you feel sad,
Exempted from most obligations & responsibilities.

But, as it's always true, happy moments don't last forever.
The universe is ever evolving,
People's perceptions are constantly changing,
Emotions are also no exception to this law of nature.

Teenage days have seen particularly dramatic changes.
When one of the two things in life he values the most is shattered.
So sudden,
So forceful,
So heartbreaking,
That he couldn't believe it actually happened to him.

But what can he do?
When nothing he said would help,
When nothing he did would change the situation,
He can only watch helplessly by the side.

Life has been getting tougher in recent years.
Old problems still persist,
New problems become more daunting,
Responsibilities become heavier,
People are not what they used to be anymore.

No matter how much time he spent thinking on the solutions,
No matter how much energy he put in to salvage it,
The situation didn't change much.

When his closest kins choose to ignore the problems,
By immersing in their own worlds,
By avoiding their responsibilities,
By making others worry unnecessarily,
Someone else need to shoulder all these.

It's getting really tired
Physically
Mentally
To the extent that he's often misunderstood,
by virtue of how he appear to others.
But he really doesn't wish to end up this way.

He just wants to let his dear friends know that,
He realises his demerits & trying to change for the better.
However, in the process of adjusting & tackling external problems,
people may not be able to accept the changes he made,
or may be uncomfortable with the other side of him,
or may even further misunderstand his intentions.
But he'll try to be strong to face these challenges.

He has a few small wishes that,
His friends understand what he's going through now.
His friends wouldn't feel awkward in his presence.
He wouldn't be a burden to his friends.
He can be a friend whom others can share joys & tears with.
He can be a friend whom others can comfortably confide in.

Who Knows Me Best?

Got this from JY's blog. If you got some time to spare, feel free to try it...

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/856235


Create your own Friend Test here

My Character vs. Academic Major

Haha, thanks to JY. Hmm, quite accurate le..

You scored as Biology/Chemistry/Geology, You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Biology, Chemistry, Geology, or related majors (e.g., Biochemistry, Environmental Science, Forestry, Fisheries and Wildlife, Genetics, Marine Biology, Zoology). It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal. Biology/Chemistry/Geology 100% Physics/Engineering/Computer 94% Mathematics/Statistics 75% Psychology/Sociology 69% Education/Counseling 69% History/Anthropology/LiberalArts 69% French/Spanish/OtherLanguage 69% Religion/Theology 63% Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health 56% Accounting/Finance/Marketing 50% HR/BusinessManagement 44% PoliticalScience/Philosophy 38% English/Journalism/Comm 31% Visual&PerformingArts 31% WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

Chemical Engineer vs. Automation Engineer

A very busy week. Frequent yawns, headaches, insomnia, eye-aches, neck-aches have been my constant companions since IA started. Did I strain myself too hard or was it purely lack of interest? I finally found the answer yesterday. Okie, it's like this. There are 2 completely different worlds just across 2 opposite desks.

My Desk

A computer nerd stares at the screen everyday, busy compiling & allocating I/O tags for field devices. No other visible activities, no obvious deadlines. Almost 800 device signal tags in 2 days! Feel brain really hot. So hot that yawning becomes much more frequent this week...

Opposite Desk

An angmoh stones here. Designing new plant equipments for the upcoming plant expansion, he calls up his colleagues in US to discuss ChE problems related to equipment design, almost everyday. Initially I was like "ic ic".. But later on, as I was listening him discussing more & more, it becomes 好羡慕啊! Initial IA plan is to learn some useful process control stuff. In the end realised I still cannot resist the great lure of "core chemical engineering". Maybe used to do hands-on chem. eng. stuff & now those are beyond reach...

I think I'd rather be a process engineer, focusing on core chemical engineering problems, like doing mass balances, tinkering with valves, distillation columns, reactors, troubleshoot process problems, etc.. Really miss the life as a production technician while in SOXAL, despite sometimes worked in rains & frequently under scorching sun, heavy workload, not-really-safe working environment, frequent OTs. Sounds mad? But it's one of few things from which I derive great fulfilment.

Haiz, life is like that. Most of the time, we gotta do things that we don't really like. But, if I didn't go through all these, I wouldn't realise what I truly like. It's human nature...